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[paradisamods]

[This afternoon, the quirky merriment at Terre Haute has something very sudden cutting its way in. There's the very distinct sound of an explosion. It shakes the ground with a small tremor for but a brief moment. Those who are looking at a certain monolith in the distance may see that there is now smoke coming from it, parts of it crumbling and tearing away as black smoke begin to fill the air.

Something's happening at that strange "thing" that fell from the sky. But what? Dare you disregard the unsettling feeling that may begin to steadily fill the air?]


[REACTIONS | GIRAFFES | NEW FRIENDS | I DON'T LIKE THESE NEW FRIENDS]
(OOC: More sections will be posted as the event progresses!)

Comments

[not_mafia]

[Tsuna sits on the ground numbly, feeling his senses slowly coming back to him. He looks up at Giotto, clearly shaken, then suddenly drops the dagger from his hand and brings up his hand to cover his face.]

I-- I can't do it. I can't do it.

[If it's evident by the way he's still shaking and his breathing is still ragged, he's in a bit of a panic.]

[is_mafia]

Tsuna. Calm down. [Giotto keeps his voice level, even, as he kneels down next to him and grabs his shoulder. He's seen men react like this to a battlefield before, remembers himself reacting a similar way after the first time he killed a man.] Don't talk, just breathe.

[not_mafia]

[He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths, trying to regulate his breathing. It takes a couple of minutes before he finally starts to calm, breathing still a bit irregular and his body still trembling, but at least not as bad as before.]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto breathes a sigh of relief and squeezes his shoulder. He's here, Tsuna. Even if he's going to yell at you for being so stupid and careless afterwards.]

[not_mafia]

[He opens his eyes after a little bit.]

I can't do it. I-I can't fight outside of Dying Will Mode.

[is_mafia]

[That wasn't exactly what he was expecting Tsuna to say, but he understands. In Dying Will Mode you could be facing death and be unafraid. It takes away all your fears, all your inhibitions and you just...fight. In a normal battle, without his Dying Will, Tsuna couldn't handle the fear and the fighting.

Not that he would mention that. Not just yet.] ...It was certainly stupid to go out there, especially against such enemies with a tiny dagger. What were you even thinking, Tsuna?

[not_mafia]

... I was thinking I could finally be useful.

But I can't. [He shakes his head.] I just... I can't. [His shoulders shake a bit, and his voice, so small now, wavers.] I'll always be useless here.

[is_mafia]

Tsuna, you can't be useful to anyone if you're dead!

[Oh dear, did he just shout that?]

[not_mafia]

[He cringes at that shout, but doesn't say anything, staring at the ground, because he knows he deserves it.]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto stands up, rubbing his temples and mutters in Italian, before switching back to whatever people spoke in Paradisa.] What even possessed you to go out there? You could have died!

[not_mafia]

[His breath is a little shaky, and it takes a few moments before he responds.]

I wanted to finally be able to do something. Anything.

But I can't. I'm... I'm completely helpless.

[He finally feels that stinging feeling in his eyes give way to tears, and his tiny voice is broken.]

I'm sorry.

[is_mafia]

[Giotto squeezed his eyes shut, not willing to watch Tsuna cry. If only he could shut his ears too. He kneels down again and sets his hands on Tsuna's shoulders.] Tsuna. Just because you can't do anything without your powers doesn't make you helpless. It makes you dependent on them, yes, but look at me.

[And little wry laugh comes out of his mouth.] I know I'm useless here. I didn't bring a gun or a knife or anything. Why do you think I'm back here instead of out there?

[not_mafia]

[He sniffs, looking up at Giotto, tears still rolling down his face. He takes a shaky breath, sniffing again, eyes going back to the ground.]

I just, I've been practicing for so long, ever since the last expedition, and... I can't even put my skills to use because it was too scary.

[Was Zelos disappointed with him? Was Reborn upset with him? What had he been doing, what was he even trying to accomplish?

He really was no good. He was no good when Reborn had met him and even after two years with him, he wasn't any better. He was no good when he'd run away from the terror birds at Last Look, and he was no good now, having been pulled away from the fight again, because he was too weak, too inexperienced, too helpless.

He was no good, and he'd always be no good.

A couple of sobs escapes him.]

[is_mafia]

Fighting is scary, Tsuna. You never know if your next move will be your last. But you've never really felt that fear before, have you? You've always been in Dying Will Mode. [And Dying Will eliminates all those fears.]

I know you want to think you can do anything, you can protect everybody who matters and more, but thinking that will only drive you mad. You can't do it, Tsuna. No one can. You have limits. [Trust him, he knew this from experience.]

[not_mafia]

[He gives a couple more sobs, because if he can't protect the people important to him, then really, what good was he?

And then he sniffs and brings a hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes and desperately trying to pull himself together, because they were hardly in a private area, and here he was, crying in front of Giotto of all people.

His cheeks flush with shame. He sniffs.]

S-sorry. [For crying, for being so weak and useless...]

[is_mafia]

[That was an excellent question, Tsuna, since he certainly doesn't know the answer. If you ever figure it out, you should tell him.

Giotto sighs at that tiny sorry, and produces a handkerchief, holding it out to him.] Bambino, what are you apologizing for now?

[Hopefully it was for him running off like that and worrying them all.]

1/2

[not_mafia]

Thanks.

[He reaches out and takes the handkerchief, wiping at his eyes. He takes a deep breath, collecting himself.]

I shouldn't be like this. Upset and.. [Heh.] crying. Not when there's a battle going on.

2/2

[not_mafia]

[And then suddenly his head snaps up, reddened eyes wide as he looks back in the direction they came from, worried.]

Zelos!

[Shit, they'd just-- left him there! Was he okay, did he find someone else to back him up? Tsuna starts to get up instinctively, because he needs to find him, he needs to know he's okay and that they didn't leave him for dead.]

[is_mafia]

[He was about to say that he's seen grown men cry on battlefields, but then Tsuna jumps up, and makes like he's about to run back. Giotto reaches out and grabs his arm again, holding him there, before pushing him down back to sit.]

He'll be fine, Tsuna. You were probably distracting him as it was.

[not_mafia]

No!

[Tsuna tugs desperately on his arm.]

I just-- I need to make sure he's okay! [He'll never forgive himself if...]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto can understand that sentiment. Still, he doesn't want Tsuna anywhere near the fighting again. After the way he reacted last time...and then if they got attacked, they would be almost helpless.]

...Fine. But we can't go too near.

[He's not exactly happy about this, but he doesn't want Zelos to get injured or worse because he pullee Tsuna away.]

[not_mafia]

[Tsuna nods, reaching down to grab his dagger. He winces at the sight of it, the blade covered in a yellowish-greenish liquid, feeling his stomach suddenly twist uncomfortably. But he grabs the hilt anyway and forces his nausea back, and starts heading back for the battlefield.]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto follows him closely, noting that reaction. He then wonders if Tsuna had ever really killed anyone before. Probably not, from how sheltered he seemed to be from the Mafia and its underside.]

[not_mafia]

[Tsuna stops a good distance away when he can see Zelos fighting with a woman. They seem to be holding up pretty well. He gives a shaky sigh of relief.]

Thank goodness...

[Now that he knows Zelos is okay, his legs want to give out on him, but he knows even this isn't a safe distance to be. So he nods.]

Thank you, Giotto.

[He backs off, turning his eyes away from the fighting because he knew it'd probably make him sick.]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto watches for a few moments more, before following him back, watching him like a hawk. He's half expecting Tsuna to collapse or be sick.]